Sunday, July 21, 2013

The Holy Grail of the Bedroom

It's no secret: everyone wants great sex. Or at least, that's what future civilizations are going to surmise about the female portion of our population, since that is what's on the cover of every magazine, week-in and week-out. But I'm convinced that what every woman wants isn't 87 mind-blowing orgasms (that sounds exhausting), but just better sex

Better sex doesn't mean perfecting technique. Better sex: meaning an experience of your whole person being accepted, while accepting the whole of another person. The kind of sex that is physically enjoyable, but really rocks you on an emotional and spiritual level. It is satisfying because you are full of the knowledge that you are not being used, you are not a fetish, an object, someone's fantasy to enjoy - you are being consumed, relished, wholly enjoy for who you are, by someone that you take delight in doing that for as well. THAT is better sex - that is, I think, the 'Holy Grail' we're searching for in the bedroom.

I can't get you there step by step, but I can give you a big push in the right direction. Use Natural Family Planning. No, seriously - I'm not kidding. Use it if you don't want a family now or ever or you're not sure. Use it if you want tons of babies right now or in five years. Use it if you're afraid of making 'a mistake' or you think your body is broken or your husband thinks it's crazy. Use Natural Family Planning and you will be so much closer to better sex. 

That's because better sex is about a better relationship, and a better relationship happens when we're vulnerable with one another.  NFP makes you vulnerable, because instead of this unspoken agreement where one of you is taking/doing something to stop a baby from happening, and neither of you are sure when to re-evaluate that decision, you have to talk. You have to talk, sometimes every month, about the decision to have a baby. Having a baby is something Big so it makes you talk about Other Big Things, like why you want kids, where you see life taking you, what you Hope For and Dream Of. You learn aspects of your spouse that you hadn't ever contemplated before, you delve deeper into who you are, together. You make decisions, and make sacrifices together, and you know you why you're making them. 

So when you do come together, you know you are offering your whole self to a person who truly knows you and whom you truly know. The ground-work for great sex - the hard work of knowing a person and taking it as your responsibility to care for them in this life, to sacrifice for their best good and work for their betterment - that is built in already with NFP. Granted, it isn't magic! People who use NFP can have so-so sex just like everyone else. But when a couple is doing NFP, even (especially) when it's particularly difficult and trying, they are growing together in love. They are laying the groundwork to have truly incredible lovemaking because they are learning to truly love.

This post was written for NFP Awareness Week - go see Katie for many more posts! 

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